This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
