he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we're making bets on your personal life
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
