Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize