She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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