there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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