possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
