She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
