trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
