Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
