Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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