I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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