I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
