got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
