i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
