She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
