I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
