I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
