Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
