Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize