Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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