The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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