Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
