I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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