doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
