Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
