i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
