it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
