i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
