hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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