Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
