I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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