I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
