wanna go halves on a baby?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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