I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
