I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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