the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
