She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
