So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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