ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
