R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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