Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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