If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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