The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
