so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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