you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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