My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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