i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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