i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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