It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
