I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize