My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
