so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
