New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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