that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
