I CAN MOONWALK!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
