he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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