Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
