You work out of a Hotel?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize