Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
