Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
