Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
