Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize