Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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