I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
