My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
