Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
my liver is dry heaving
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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