Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
