i think i have herpe
just one?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
