Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
