WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
