I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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