Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
