I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
