Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
