Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
