I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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