I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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