Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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