Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
