rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
