he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
