Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
