He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
