Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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