I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
