my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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