You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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